God who Disturbs Us

Somethings in our life with and in God seems crystal clear till God disturbs us in his faithfulness. When we expect God to act in a way which seems to us as the faithfulness of God, he acts in ways which completely contradicts my idea of how he works and what faithfulness is.

Recently, i lost my close friend, Augustine and am deeply hurt. His health issue was not healed.

My expectation of what God in his faithfulness would do was not met. Problems were not fixed.
He heals all my disease says psalms 103:3. But he did not heal.

C S Lewis says, "Every idea of Him we form He must in mercy shatter...." He did shatter a lot of it when Augustine died.

Instead of giving me clear answers, He has given me a lot of questions. He has disturbed my idea of so many things in life.

It clearly seems He did not work for me in this issue. Why would a God who is for me not work for me?
May be he is working in me using this issue (God, who began a good work within you...) Maybe its something within that is changing. Instead of working for me maybe he is working in me. But its painful to experience the wounds created by this Great Surgeon. He wounds. He disturbs. He confuses. He shatters. He does not meet my expectation.This is not the God i had in mind. I knew a God who heals, gives us peace, speaks with clarity, meets my expectation.

What would God do for me has changed these days to what is He doing in me.

The disciples of Jesus did not understand most of what Jesus said and did. But they kept following him and did not turn back. I am like them most of the time, dull in understanding. May be i should follow their example and just stick on with Jesus in the journey.

I think these staggered thoughts would continue in few more posts...am just lamenting and thinking out loud.


  1. Kingsly from the point of view of today we will have big questions, which are just fine. But imagine you and me how would we have been if our fathers were still around.... Know it's hard now, but we only need to rest that God will make all things good somehow, somewhere and in His own time... Till then keep shooting your questions...Let the dialogue happen


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